I've been in a quandry of sorts lately.

I have always been able to make a decision based on how I have felt about it... it's always been something that I've just known,.. this ability has enabled me to always be confident with my choices and to challenge others to be confident in their own choices. I find that it is important to be confident in whatever I decide to do, even if it doesn't look like the best idea, or if people disagree with me.

If I am confident, I don't worry about making the right choice, or wonder what someone else is thinking.. I know that I am doing something that I feel is best for me, and not everyone will understand that.

But the strange thing is, recently I haven't been able to find this confidence that I am so used to having. It's like there might be 4 different ideas or options floating in my head and I'm not necessarily leaning towards any specific one. I'm almost indifferent in some cases.

It's troublesome to me because it's not a familiar feeling. I don't like not knowing how I am feeling about something, or what I think will be best for me. I wonder if it's because I feel a larger sense of responsiblity, and so I can't just take myself into account. I am looking at all of these layers that may be affected, which thus causes me and my all knowing feeling to become cluttered.

It's an interesting thought, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

I think things are going to change soon. Well, to be honest I know things are going to change because I am going to make that decision and make them change!

Then maybe I'll be able to breathe again....

Then maybe I'll be able to sleep throughout the night without waking up every hour...

Then maybe I won't be so sick every single day, multiple times a day...

Then maybe.......